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Tara Hauki and Jon-Erik Beckjord

Page history last edited by tara 14 years, 2 months ago

Tara Hauki and Jon-Erik Beckjord






It Was One Hell Of A Ride Walk ...






AUGUST 4, 2008


Good day to all ... o.k. this is where it all gets real.


I suppose that by reading my blog here you all are getting a pretty accurate picture of what happens to someone who becomes infatuated, er, obsessed with Bigfoot.


O.k., that being said I would like to propose an adventure. I plan to talk about the Bigfoot I met and what this relationship has meant for me. I will find out how to work the comment feature in post form, but until I do please feel free to contact me through the comment feature at the top of this page.


Please go to the front page and click on the Sasquatch and Me link at the bottom of the page for my exciting and very strange story, and don't forget to check out this page too for examples of what not to do if you ever get a chance to go on a Bigfoot expedition.


You will find through this page that my experience has been something akin to what is written in the story of "Skinwalker Ranch". Really.


I'll even figure out how to make links to various parts of this page so your finger won't get sore from scrolling.


JULY 26, 2008


It has come to my attention that Jon-Erik Beckjord has passed away. I am saddened by this news as I would be saddened by anyone passing away from cancer. My father actually had bone cancer before he passed away by his own hand on April 2, 2002. This story is about a few days I spent with Jon-Erik, or as most who knew him ... EB.


My experience with this man was a very bad one. Perhaps it was his suffering that caused him to be so mean during that time I spent with him. I do not condone this type of behavior and I do not wish to apologize for my actions. I did not put the proof of his accusations on this site at the time it all happened, but I will be posting it here soon. Please take this story as the warning I intend it to be, and do not ... ever ... Never go into the woods with a stranger. I fully believe I could have lost my life or could have been seriously injured if I had not known the woods the way I did at the time. Any person with lesser skills could have met a painful end. There ARE lions, tigers, and bears there.







This is the story of how I survived a Bigfoot Adventure in the Mountains of the Eldorado Forest. It is'nt really about bigfoot though. Not this story. No... no way. This story is about the dangers of trusting people you don't know on the internet. It is also about how an overweight 45 year old woman with the ability to walk to safety through a high altitude forest... CAN. How the good people of the forestry and County I was stranded in helped me. I will forever be grateful to them. Thank you so much to the hospital Doctors and staff. Thanks to the Amador County Sheriff's Office and the County of Amador for thier help at the hospital getting me to the bus station. I would also like to mention the good people at the Bear River Lake Resort and the cab driver that drove me to Sacramento. And I definitely can't forget the PG&E guy who gave me my first water getting out of there. What was his name??? He was my angel that day. I believe he saved my life.


Most of all I want to thank "MY" friends in Happy Camp. Rocky I could'nt make it through "my" craziness without your help. Thanks to the river rats and the ride they gave me as I was standing there stranded in Yreka.


The girls of Happy Camp Rock!!!!!


Here now is the scary , hilarious, and just plain freakiest bigfoot "expedition" you could ever imagine. I'm lucky. And as I always say.








Here now, are my journal notes for the entire week. I have a hard time being a good example, so most of the time I do a very good job at being a bad warning. Take heed. There are freaks out there.. and they want us bad.






September 11, 2007 Monday



I phoned Jon- Erik this evening. I am leaving on Thursday. A bigfoot expedition that is allover the web right now. Jon told me I would be letting everyone down if I did not show because he already has told everyone I am coming. he said I would show up a bunch of guys if I did.


I am going.



September 14, 2007 Thursday



Joann gave me fifty dollars as a down payment on the painting I am going to do for her this winter so I could pay for the gas to get to the bus.

Brandy and lenny took me to the bus. My bus trip was on time, and uneventful... Thank God for that.


Erik met me at the bus station and we went and he bought me breakfast. Turns out bringing my jade was a good idea. It is probably going to finance our trip. I pray it sells for a lot!


A guy getting out of prison gave me a pack of cigarettes when I asked to buy some from someone in Sacramento at the bus station. here's a good question... Why is it that most inmates are so sensitive to the needs of others? I ask this because I observe it often.


Well, I'm here, Erik does not seem to be a freak... very eccentric at this point...so I'll see.


I slept a large part of the day and so we have'nt been able to talk much yet. For some reason my head feels scrambled. Probably from not having any estrogen. I'm trying to go off of it. it makes me too even.



O.K. What are the odds? I sat down at Erik's...picked up the book he just handed me to read and the main characters in the story, on the page I just turned to are Tom and Tad. Erik's dog is sitting at my feet and his name is Toby. Not only this, but the books my mother always loved so much about the occult, unexplained phenomenon, are lining the walls of his house.



I was trying to explain one of my gifts to Jon-erik and he was telling me a bigfoot story about someone who said he was being paid by the forresters to discredit them. he said something about if the guy was getting paid he should have asked them where was his check?

I told him that I find "repeats". That's what I have come to call them, and we walked into a Kinko's. I picked up a CD, turned it over and the words, "the check is in the mail" were on the back of it. I showed it to him and he said, "Does this mean we can't lie to you?


Scriptural References and Other Sources. This is where I start to explain MY freaky spiritual side. I like my spiritual side. It is what makes me me. I'm proud of it, and since I'm writing out my journal notes, I'm putting those in too. They are what usually makes up the bulk of my journal. I write mainly for personal reasons, so this Jon-Erik stuff is in my s*** so to speak. I have a link here so you can see where I think I am coming from, anyway, here's a link to my "sites".


Jon-Erik gave me the book "Hunt For The Skinwalker" by: Colm A Kelleher Ph.D. and George Knapp



O.K. Just a few lines back I mentioned how I saw Tad, Tom, Toby etc... ( my other journal parts explain this, but to clarify this part of my story so far I will say that these are the names of my father and two brothers.) Well the dog's name really is Toby, but I just started reading this book and it says that some of the names have been changed...well, if they have been changed to Tad and Tom, that really is strange to me at this point. This gets strange...er.



Toby is the dog Jon-Erik told me about. The one who fell off a cliff and Erik had to pay 17000.00 to fix him. Actually his girlfriend payed for it. I can't believe I was being so insensitive to him when he was going thru this during the Tom Biscardi stuff I was going thru. This was during the "Bigfoot" stuff.


This whole experience with Jon-Erik has been wonderful so far.


I feel I am finally in a place where I can stretch my wings...so to speak.


I spoke to my daughter Aronne a few minutes ago. She is in Oakland. I hope to see her in a few days. Maybe I will stay a few more with her before I go home. I spoke to austin just a little while ago. She is cleaning my house right now. I told her I want her to move in. I want her to...I do. My house is just so small!



Are my thoughts affecting change around me in all aspects?


This is so exciting!!! I'm finally doing this. I need money to travel.



September 14, 2007 Thursday, (cont.)



note: Two of my friends told me the other day that they were driving down river and they saw "something" running along the river road. They said it was short and stocky. Thay added that it had very long arms and legs, and that it was definitely NOT a bear. They also said that they saw a huge gray thing fly into the sky down river. They said that it just flew up from the ridge in front of them.


I'm sitting in Jon-Erik's livingroom right now and I can hear a raccoon on the roof. It spooked me a little bit because EB (for Jon-Erik), told me that he took a picture of a ghost that lives in his house. I saw the picture. It's the leaves on the tree in front of where he's snapping the shot...but why spoil his fun?


Jon-Erik put up a neon "E" on his wall while I was sitting reading. He told me that he is a neon installer. I wonder if that is a fun job? I quess it would be. I love to meet new people.



This book he gave me to read is interesting. The funny thing is that everything I read is always preceeded by what I do, or hear, or see.... You'll get used to it in this journal. I have had to get used to living with it.



This book is called "The Hunt For The Skinwalker". EB insisted for me to read it. I brought Harry Potter and I intend to read it, but I will read this quikly. Wow, This book is freaking me out.

In one part it is talking about a large, (huge), snake that lives in the water of a resevoir there. There is a story of a Ute woman who drowned there swimming at night.


My friend told me a Putawan story the other day about the Eddy. A place where the locals swim near my home. She said, "Don't swim there at night...ever".



Don't ever swim in deep dark at night. It sounds absurd to some, but I have always felt this way. When I was around eight years old my family and I went camping near our home in Shaver Lake, California. While my dad and my uncle were fishing at the lake's edge one of those nights my cousins and my brothers were swimming in the shallows. We had a flashlight on out there and just when I turned to look at the beam in the water, a huge carp flopped into view. O.K. I was eight at the time so yeah, IT MOST DEFINITELY HAD BEEN A MONSTER AT THAT POINT!!!!! I have always been scared like that ever since. I am an expert swimmer, and I still never go into the water at night.


In this book it says the Utes distinguish between Sasquatch and Skinwalker. If it is true that there are both than I think Jon-Erik and others like him should be careful of what they chase. To many Native Americans the Sasquatch is inherently good, and the Skinwalker is not. According to them.


I have felt this.


I feel the Sasquatch I saw at my home is not evil or "bad". I have seen it and I have only felt the 'scare" feeling you get when you come upon an animal in the woods.



I want to say something here, because I am rewriting this manuscript directly from my journal I have kept for approximately four years now. I have been reading Jon-Erik's website since I got back here. I am appalled at the things he is saying about me and it has been hard composing myself not to trash all this stuff I wrote while I was there and just defend myself. Jon-Erik obviously is as obtuse as he seems. I am going to complete this journal work and then I am going to take the time to answer all the ridiculuos and cruel posts and replys I have read so far. If you are one of those who has replied so scathingly...just keep reading. My blood is crying out.



I SAID NOTHING CRUEL ABOUT THAT SOLDIER!!!! I DO NOT KNOW HIM!!!! I DO KNOW the son of a soldier who was killed over there last year though, and I have consoled his wife, and given him little gifts through his grandma. Why did Jon-Erik have to drag a poor dead soldier into this by implying that I would disrespect someone like that? I saw his picture on the fridge in his house. I said that does have to stop because that is what he had written under the picture. I have my own opinion against the war. The fact that this guy would use it to make me look bad...makes him look horrible if you ask me. Well, I'll probably say this a few times as I write, but EB did say that he would do whatever he had to do to reach his goal. He said repeatedly that he would cheat, steal, or lie to get what he wanted. You will see what that is if you finish this journal story. I am sick of people lying about me.



In this book it mentions alot about the things that I have been noticing for about three years now here on the river where I live. It says in one of the chapters that the possibility of ancient curses in that valley where that story occured were considered by the author, and the scientists who went and studied there. The events were so strange that they were leaving nothing out.


It makes me wonder about the jade mines here and the chinese who worked not just in them, but in the gold mines also. Stephen King stuff. What happened to them? Where did they all go? What happened to them?. Could there be some kind of a curse where I live because of some ancient war or wrong ? I may never know. Things have sure gotten strange there. For me and for others.






Oh my god! I just found out that Happy Camp had an oil company at one time.



I hope I can make sense of this one day.



I'm here in Lafayette now so I'm thinking extra hard about all the freaky phenomenon I call my life. I am remembering now about the night I saw that "ball lighting" up at Eddy Creek near Mt. Shasta in @1995. I was parked up the creek with friends from college there in Weed looking up into the sky in the narrow exspanse available through the trees that stood closest to the creek. It scared the crap out of me because I saw what I thought was a falling star fall straight at me and a friend through the trees. It was large and whitey kinda silvery looking(ha ha), and it blazed straight at me and another girl sitting there. It could'nt have been more than 50 ft above our heads.


I called the astronomy teacher at College of the Siskiyous and he told me he thought what I had seen was ball lighting. A sort of rare occurence, although the teacher told me that he had heard of it happening up in that area before. Strange though... There were no clouds in the sky at the time.


I was really getting into the spiritual side of the woods at that time and it was really awesome and spectacular to me and the girl with me.



September 14, 2007 Friday afternoon



Erik and I had a heated discussion about what he calls my "involvment" with Tom Biscardi last night. We had chicken and broccoli with wine last night and we sat talking. I don't know why exactly, my wounded pride more likely, but according to EB I seem to have acquired a flaw in my reputation among bigfooters because of my past association with Biscardi and the gang. My smart ass comeback of course is, "Why didn't anyone else show up then?"


I smell onlookers here. Busybodies who love to witness trouble happening... any trouble, at all.


I do know that I saw a bigfoot and I do know that there are no "real" scientific ways to study them as yet. So why all the hoopla?






That's why.








I know now that bigfoot is only the tip of the iceberg where the strangeness around where I live is concerned.


Jon-Erik has me reading. I am now going to start, today. September 14, 2007, READING and studying all I can about these strange phenomenon. You know... making those 147 I.Q. points work for me... as if.


I am not a degree holder at this moment, except in life. I plan to get one. This crazy world. Where the only "credible" people are those who spend time prostrate before "the higher mind"... Thank you Emily and Amy. I'll say this alot and you'll either get used to it or not, but... whatever.


Anyway, all this I have been journaling has come from an almost uneducated mind. LOl. I have 33 units of general education under my belt from two J.C.s in California. Hope this helps.



Go back to Sept. 12, 2007.



I was at home frantically packing and getting ready to leave from Weed to get to Oakland. I walked into the house having come from the bank, and a very strong smell of sewer hit me as I walked through the door. It was pretty bad. I thought at that moment that it could have been one of two things. Either the bigfoot was back in my yard (this smell along with dirty socks garbage smell are usually evident at these times), or my toilet was backing up again. This does happen every once in a while.


I went and checked the bathroom.There was no sewer problem that I could see. I had the It's a bigfoot thought as soon as I came through the door. It was my first thought. A string of these odd happenings are how it has been since I saw it so many times that summer. (2005).


Jon-Erik just told me that his phones have been acting funny since I got here to his house. He means they cut out in the middle, or the phone rings and there's no one there but the line is still open. These things happened during 2005 also. I appreciate his attitude though.

When I said" I'm sorry about the phones",

he said, "that's o.k. it's not your fault". Nice.



Here's another co-inky-dink...



I walked down into lafayette to buy some cancer sticks and I had to walk all the way the drug store. The guy at the counter who servrd me told me he was 1/2 Cherokee from New Mexico. Cool. He said, "it's good to be Native American. His name was Eric.


That is not the freaky part.


I felt the urge to stop at the street corner at Oakhill Dr.. It is a big busy intersection. I smoked a cigarette while the cars passed by me. I'm trying to excersize my intuition so I sorta sent my heart out there and went "fishing". I looked catty corner from where I was standing and I noticed a starbuck's over there. I said out loud, "I'm standing across the street from Starbuck's".




Nothing notable seemed to happen and I was mildly disappointed. Not only that. I got the feeling while I stood there on that corner that people were assesing me like I was some sort of hooker. I hate that! I don't dress right for the city because I am FINANCIALLY CHALLENGED. Poor actually. There are reasons for it, and I did not used to be poor. I made 7000.00 every 8 weeks or so, not such a long time ago. But that is another story. My pride won't let me wear polyester and pretend that I'm rich. I don't care about that anyway, so I wear old jeans and "shitty little shirts", as my sister used to call them, in the summertime.



I have to do that thing where I defend myself in the present even though I am speaking of the recent past at this point. Anyway. I am fat. O.K. I weigh @ 225 lbs. and I am 5'5". Jon-Erik went off on me after I kept screaming at him. My journal itself will make the reasons clear why I was yelling at him in self defense if you continue to read my story. He told me I was disgusting and I had all these fat rolls. Thanks Jon-Erik. These words are me interjecting my thoughts as I write my journal out, and I will be through this because I have been looking at his website occasionally and I cannot believe how thouroghly this man can lie.



I was wearing jean shorts, holey.

two wife beaters, I am no wife beater

and my white bone choker


Typical Happy Camp affair. Typical Hooker affair in the city I guess. Anyway, a little plussed I walked back to EB's.






September 14 (cont). late afternoon


I have been since sitting here at the pool reading "Hunt For The Skinwalker". Toby is here beside me. Ijust now read this in this book. I am qouting the line here because it is so uncanny to me.

"Contrary to popular impression, however, bigfoot was'nt born in the forests of the Pacific Northwest. He did'nt just spring up from nowhere alongsid a Strabuck's coffee...".


Take that Benbridge scholars.



I want to add here that this is a little thing I do now. It all started happening 24/7 to me about two years ago, and I plan on writing about all of it on this website. My journals and all that has been going on with me will be on these pages. I' ll promise you one thing...



It's a love story.




One life. One heart.


According to this book I am currently reading there are different names for bigfoot among the Native Americans. To the Saliah he is Sasquatch. The popular name. To the coastal tribes he is Bukwas, and Dzunukwa. My favorite of these is the Lakota Sioux word Chiye-tanka, that means "big elder brother". A man named Joe Flying By, a Hunkpapa Lakota told the Author of "Thunderheart" that the big man was a husband of the Earth. A being from ancient times who can change into a coyote. I myself have seen the one in my yard turn into what looked a bear. Hey, I have one other person who may believe I saw what I think I saw.


Also according to "Hunt For Skinwalker", the Athabascans of Alaska regard him as "big brother", who looks out for Native American peoples and brings signs or messages during troubled times. This is why I personally believe the bigfoot came to me. I believe this because I was going through a great deal of emotional pain at the time. (This is explained in detail in my journal notes I have entitled, "Sasquatch and Me". A page on this website.)


Read it there.


Hopi elders believe that bigfoot delivers messages from the Creator. I call Creator Abba, which is translated the same as "daddy". Well it's out now but this is how I pray. The Hopi also say according to "Skinwalker" that the elders believe that bigfoot delivers messages from the creator. often messages about mankind's disrespect for harmony and balance.



I believe this, and I that this is part of what they tell me about. I believe that they are warning us that there are cosequences for our actions and that destroying the earth with all of the selfish acts, that are undeniably happening right in front of us is a valid warning. Call them spirit or what you want, but they are talking and I believe that if you would just listen you would be able to hear them too. There is a scripture in the bible that says...


"I will destroy those who destroy the Earth". Hmmmm, interesting yeah?



A friend at home believes that the bigfoots are upset because of all of the one way or another emotion. He meant all the labile energy. I really do believe that angels, or messengers, or bigfoots , or whatever it is that God sends to us to warn us...does. I have friends here who I respect so I will not name who believe the same thing. Anything that makes people feel pent up and angry. Bigfoots must be everywhere.... Take for instance methamphetamines. People who use this stuff are little emotional storms. I know, I used to use it regularly, (oops... a blatant credibillity buster right there). LOL.......







Again I write. I have only now started actually reading other "books". Very interesting. There seems to be a lot of "matching" in experiences from what I am reading already. I'll admit I'm spooked a little. All this coincidence is so coincidental.


This is a UFO book also. ("Skinwalker") I'll note here that two of my friends told me the other day that they saw a huge gray thing fly up from the mountains down river from where I live. They do not know I am even thinking about flying saucers. I did'nt take any of that with too much attention anyway at this point. I've been hearing about that stuff all along this bigfoot thing anyway and I do not know exactly how they tie together. The jury is still out on that point at this point. The bigfoot stuff is a lot to ask from my friends right now. I guess they will know now. This life is one big wonderful joke, and the joke is only as good as you allow yourself to laugh at it. I am becoming completely convinced that this is true indeed. My friends were in different cars traveling in different directions at the same time on the river when they saw the thing. Odd odd odd.


In this book the bigfoot tells a scientist that, "We are watching you".



I know this Sasquatch named Sasha watches me because I can "feel " her and others watching me. I have watched my actions since I started feeling them watch me two summers ago. It is an unnerving feeling that only those who have felt thier "pull" can tell you.


Scientists should study all of these "hot spots". I have a feeling that the reasons we cannot prove anything is because the proof lies in ALL THE EVIDENCE.



September 15, 2007 late morning



This A.M. I spoke to Chris, Jon-Erik's girlfriend. (They are breaking up and I've been volunteered as counsil whether I like it or not I guess). Last night as we were talking she told me a story about a "fit" a dog she knew had around a dying friend. We were talking about animal behavior. The way our pets acted. w are both cat lovers. Then later, as I was reading "Skinwalker" again, I started reading where I left off and the exact words in the book were..."The dog through a fit". (I shit you not!!!!)


I am documenting this because it is just soooooo freaky deaky.


So I told her this and she related a dream she had last night;


She sat and told she had a dream where she found out she was going to have a baby. The weird part of the dream was she said that she was having plastic surgery, and "they" made her eyes asian. She told me what bothered her the most was that she had green eyes and they were making them brown. She said she did not like that. she said she wanted to keep her eyes green.


This was intriguing to me and it seemed pretty freaky knowing the things I have been being aware of lately in my own life.


A few minutes later I called Aronne. She is the youngest of my three beautiful daughters. I could'nt help it. I was crying. I am here so near to her. I miss her and I want to see her. I am feeling uneasy about these people... and it is just hurting me that I cannot see her right now. She's going to an A's game in the city tomorrow. I hope she has a lot of fun!



I'm adding here that you can read all about my beautiful family if you follow the links where you see thier names as links. There are pictures and poems, songs, and lots and lots of cool things to look at because my daughters are also very cool. They are a talented group so be prepared to be amazed !!!!



A few minutes later Christine and I were sitting outside talking. We saw a red-tailed hawk flying over head. It was ironically just at the time we were discuss my father, Thomas Ray Baker. I was watching it fly around in circles above us. It was clear and the sky was big. I looked away for a fraction of a second... and it was gone. Absolutely dissappeared.


Chris has been telling me that she and EB are breaking up. She says that her friends tell her he is abusive and that she should leave him. He does scream at her a lot. They actually scream at each other. There is a very cool and decent guy named Alfonso here. He is staying here while he stays in Lafayette. Jon-Erik is very mean to him. He seems to have no patience with him, or Chris for that matter.


Elbert told me once that people get strange around bigfoot encounters. He says they tend to go a little nutty. Well...


For the past 24 hours chrishas become more and more noticeably emotional. Her relationship with EB is tenuous at best. She is starting to come apart. Crying and being very open about her feelings for him. She talks a lot of her famillies past. I feel she is attempting to reconcile herself.


EB just took her inside. I could see it coming. They have been fighting in front of me all day now. He came to tell me that he had spoken to her about being a "bitch". I don't feel she has been being a bitch to me so far, but she has been acting very rudely towards EB. Probably because she drinks so much. She drinks the whole time she's here. He says he does'nt want to upset me because he thinks I am getting ready to leave. Not yet.


I mentioned to him that this was just being part of the "human condition". He said, "never the less".


I actually am starting to get the feeling that he does not want her here.


Right at this moment he is out in the driveway screaming and arguing with Alfonso. Alfonso is helping him get neon stuff ready for a job and he just can't seem to do anything right for him. Alfonso keeps telling him that his leg hurts. he told me EB accidently hit him with a door.



Yep, this is sizing up to be a real good bigfoot adventure!!!



We went to the Lafayette Beer and Wine festival this evening. I had a good time. Chris and I walked around for awhile as EB parked the car. They are both drinking. I can't figure out why we could'nt walk because it is only about four blocks down the road. We sat and drank some wine and beer...I had Sierra Nevada Octoberfest. YUM. I took off and walked around and did my own thing. There was so much to see. I love these things. I love watching people have a good time.


I tried to stay away from them, (EB and chris), because all they do is FIGHT. I dislike it very much. EB told us we had to move away from where we were sitting because there were kids there and he hated kids. He hates kids...hmmmm.



From "Skinwalker", pg. 249-250


"Does the wide variety of anomalies observed at the ranch have any connection with human consciousness? Of course, much of mainstream science simply dismisses such reported anomalies as products of pathologies of human consciousness. But what if they are instaed doorways from human consciousness into other realities? People such as writer Patrick Harpur, philosopher Micheal Grosso, psychologist Kenneth Ring, among others, argue that there are seperate realities inhabited by other intelligences and that humans can sometimes access these places.The central question is wether these seperate realities are real, external, and physical in any sense, and wether they somehow tie into human consciousness. Certain events that took place at the ranch suggest a possible link among shamanism, human consciousness,


(they are trying to figure it out. Is that good)?


and whatever force was operating there. The Gormans became convinced that the phenomena eavesdropped on them and often reacted to what they said. One example was the "transfer of four two-thousand pound bulls into a tiny trailer. This event happened almost immediately after Ellen Gorman's private conversation with her husband in which she expressed extreme apprehension at the idea of losing the animals. Was this sheer coincidence? If not, how could thier conversation have been heard in a vehicle on a remote ranch? After scores of similar coincidences, the Gorman's ended up believing that the intelligence knew what they were thinking and could even anticipate what they were going to do.









This has been very hard for me to get used to now that it happens to me ALL the time. I am getting used to it although I don't tell people things and I even try to think of other stuff so I can avoid these things from happening. I am very aware that "it" reads my mind, and anticipates my actions.



September 16, 2007 Sunday, morning


I had three dreams last night. They are slightly scattered now that I have woke up, but there are parts that come to me here in the morning.


I was home, but I was in an open building with a wood floor. Many people were in the room. Music was playing but no one was dancing. There were people there from town I know, but there were others there I did not know. Suddenly I started dancing. Everyone laughed because I was being amusing and at that point everyone started dancing and having a good time.


I remeber my dreams days after I have them. I do not remember them right at waking though. Not usually. I ponder them when they are in my mind and they grow. I see more each time I look at them. More detail, and I can feel the feelings I felt while I was having them and I can know more about myself and others that way. It's cool.



Note here; Something interesting here. I had times where I thought that the bigfoot was turning up in the yard whenevr I had done some major gardening, or landscaping. I cut a lot of blackberries. Anyway, in this current book the author says he noticed the phenomena occuring whenever they did similar things.



Jesus was a martyr. He travelled the known world of his day and, being of higher mind he saw the connectedness of the creation. Man included. Yoohoo, you guys... never forget that we are all a part of the "creation"... Keeps you happier. He went home to share this with his countrymen and because of the religiously rigid people at that time... he was killed for it.


Is it time we start recognizing this for what it is?


To noye. Last night I went into the bathroom to take a bath. I opened the door, stepped inside, and turned on the light. There was a slight mist in the room. There had been no one in there before me and we had been gone all day. I noticed this and it seemed to dissipate. I drew my bath and got in. Suddenly the lights dimmed significantly. Minutes later they returned to normal.


I would like to speak to physicists Max Tegmark and Hugh Everett. I have these automatic thoughts whenever I start thinking about a particular thing, and right now thinking about all this other dimension stuff I just KNOW that there are eleven dimensions. I do not know how I know it or if that is really what I am doing, but I FEEL it is true.



"Anger makes me not afraid, and love keeps me from not being angry enough to destroy the thing I fear". Tara Hauki



Jon-Erik just gave us a map and instructions to go to Hamm's Station in case we get lost on the freeway. We FINALLY got packed and got on the road. I was told we would be at the house overnight and would then be into the woods. It has been three days and I am ready to get back to the woods. I always am.


It's afternoon now, around four o'clock actually, but Chris called and reserved a room for us at the lodge we are going to before we take off for the site. (Why do bigfoot researchers always need to take a "rest" stop before they go out to the woods, if they even do actually stay there. Tom Biscardi did this ALL the time. He would stay in the nearest town to the sighting, and then go out and look at his leisure. Funny huh)? EB and Chris are still fighting and yelling constantly. At least we are in two cars and he has his own. It's a huge funny looking blue Suburban beast, and Chris and I are both glad we have the Isuzu. While we were at home EB called Isuzu and tried to get them to use his bigfoot picture with the Isuzu I am in right now. He found out they don't make Troopers anymore. Maybe bigfoot is trying to tell him something. Teehee.


O.K. now it starts getting to be an excersize in patience. We're stopped on HWY 88 right outsideof Lathrop because EB has a flat tire. Good thing it happened on this smaller highway instead of I-5. I don't like to say but it's forgone now... I knew he'd get a flat. Oh no. He just let the jack down and the spare is completely flat. What a bone head. I think he is going to really need me on this trip. Oh No! The third tire is a half flat one also. Are we even going to get there? EB says he can fix the third one with a kit. He said we will get one on the way!!!! Oh boy.


We just got off HWY 99 through Stockton onto HWY88 east going towards Jackson when I noticed the so called "Chemtrails" for lack of an original word for these strange new clouds. I usually see objects and faces in them as I am thinking about hings. The odd thing is that what I am thinking and wha I see in the clouds match. I have witnesses, friends who have seen these things too with me and they agree that I am seeing what I think I am seeing.


I was wondering as I was looking up into the sky why I was'nt seeing any. I usually see them more when I am sad or feeling down, and I was feeling kind of down a little while ago on the road, because of all of this fighting. I just agree and nod my head at thier stupid bickering, but it does get to me. Anyway, this is usually when I can see these beautiful cloud pictures. They are usually faces of my family members or animals or people I know of... and some I don't. They always cheer me up and give me hope. I used to tell people about them, but because I have a mental health history I shy from being 5150'd, so I keep my pie hole shut mostly on that subject.


Don't call the wagon on me please, but here's the kicker for me. I panic sometimes when I can't see them because I think this "gift" will leave me. I have gotten used to it and I like it. I do not want it to go away.


Now I am sitting on the side of the road while EB changes the tire and I looked up and sure enough, there is a beautiful feminine face looking in my direction from a cloud. She must have been looking over me. Do you believe in Angels? I said,"At least someone is looking out for us". I did not mention the cloud though. EB hit himself so hard with the jack just now. I hope he is o.k.. Chris and I thought he knocked himself out when he did it. He was letting the jack down from the top and it smacked back and hit him in the cheek. Very hard. He has cleaned it and Chris gave him a little band-aid. We have to stop for some big ones to cover the cut, (it looks like it could use a few stitches, but he sure is stubborn). EB just showed me and Chris the screw he pulled out of his tire. She has been drinking wine and razzing him about all of the flat tires we have and I think he feels he has to prove something to her about that. I don't know. He seems kinda stupid about things outdoors. I hope this goes o.k..



I'm sitting on the side of 88 east beside a small walnut orchard. Some people say they actually hate these flatlands, but that I lived a lot of my younger years down in this great San Joaquin Valley, I can appreciate it's beauty and value. This part of the California landscape fed the world at one time, during my lifetime even. I am sure they still contribute the larger potion of it.






September 16, 2007 Sunday, evening


We made it, barely. Christine drank wine all the way here and the two of them can't quit screaming at each other everytime we stop. All the way here. AAARRGGHHH!!! EB parked his beast on the side of a trailer we are staying in and Christine parked the Isuzu at the end of the trailer. The trooper is whatever, famous, as EB says because it's in the picture he took of the bigfoot. He gave me a copy of that picture back at the house. It's interesting. He told me that they could'nt see it until thy developed the picture. I have heard of this thing happening, but I have only actually seen a bigfoot. I wonder what this could be.


We are going to the place in the photo tomorrow to camp for four days. I have to call tomorrow morning before we go out so my family will know where I am. I'll call my sister Tami. We're in the Eldorado National Forest at Bear River Lake Resort. We are going, according to EB, approximately 15 miles from here to around 6500 ft. to a creek with a small pond on it. (it is a shallow hole)


I think I am prime for an encounter. Being drawn I mean. We passed so many "signs" that I saw on the way up here. It seems comical if it were'nt for being so surreal. Right at the turn off for the lake there was a Le's Chinese restaurant and Buckhorn liquor. On the way through the valley I saw first Baker Rd. and then Toby Rd. I'll explain this sign thing on the link.


I feel them here. I always feel it when I am in the woods. Always. I don't know but as soon as we got here I heard a beeping sound that semed to be coming from nowhere. I was reminded of the "beeping" bigfoot stories. Some of this stuff is so ridiculous, and yet here I am. I don't want to think about beeping bigfoots.


Lights went off and on as we drove beneath them on the freeway on the way up here. I have never had them go on and off like that when I have been in a car driving down the road before. Another first. I'll see the forest in the morning. It took us so long to get here that it is dark. It is actually around eleven o'clock right now. I'm not sure I don't have a watch. After the flats and stopping to get band-aids, and a tire kit, and food , and a whole lot of other stuff... we finally got here.


I walked down to the lake as soon as we got here to just breath. The ride was treacherous! She drank one and a half bottles of wine on the way up here. She was driving over the double yellow line on a mountain highway at night. Oh yeah... great. Not!




I'm glad you love me!


EB just came in. He went to look for me. Lol. He also informed me the beeping sound I have been hearing since I got here is an alarm across the street and that he went down the road and called the "guy". How he called him I do not know but he said, "he told him what he thought of him". Geez, making enemies already and we just got here. People... no wonder bigfoot hides.


As soon as we got here we got out of the Trooper and EB had left his lights on his rig on. I said amiably, "Do those go off by themselves"? To which he snapped back that he would turn them off momentarily...To which I snapped back, "Oh hell no. Come in here". He came into the trailer and I told him about Chris drinking and driving. I went for a walk to the lake. After I came back from my walk and he returned from "finding" me, he told me that he straightened her out. In defense of EB I have to say she's got us a little on our nerves.


She says Shit-O-Friday

Jesus on a bicycle

and God Damn

A LOT!!!


She also claims to be a Jehovah's witness and says I'm wrong and That when you die, you die...your DEAD! She says this a lot too. If she believes this so much I'de think she would drive more carefully, or sans alcohol at least.


A few hours later...


EB went to go to bed and then five minutes later came out to tell me that she left.


I have a note to add here. Why did he wait five minutes to come out and tell me that she had left? He had me go in and look at the lipstick "fuck you" on the mirror. I nevr really saw anyone. From the person who closed the door when I first came back in from the lake to when he came in the sliding glass door. For all I know he could have made her leave while they were in there and then went around to the other door to make it look like he was gone. Another funny thing here was that I never heard her car start. It is a small trailer and the cars were parked right outside. This is probably just my paranoid side, but now thinking about it as I write it just seems odd that I did'nt at least hear her leave. They had not been quiet one minute since I met them. Why now?


I hope she is o.k.


Continuing the story... When I came in, I thought EB and Chris were asleep in the bedroom. I slept on the hideaway. I thought this because as I was sitting here writing, someone got up and closed the door. Then, a while later EB came in the slider and I realized Chris must have closed the door. What I did not realize is that as we sat here talking and he explained to me he had talked to her, she had gone out the back door... and left.


No wonder she left though, because during "our talk" EB kept talking at the top of his voice about what a selfish bitch she was to drink and drive like that. He said once again that he "warned" her not to bug me again. I'm really starting to regret this trip.


It's funny now, but it was'nt funny a while ago. She wrote "fuck you", on the bedroom mirror, took off with all the food, the good cameras, most of the camping gear, and three more bottles of wine. EB and I proceeded to have a huge argument about how I do not feel safe now and with everything all screwed around... I want to go home now. He refuses to take me home and he keeps promising to make this work. I shared breifly with him about my chilhood molest issues and how I have trust issues on top of that related to it. He gave me the necklace and stuffed animal he said he had given her and told me to keep . He told me he hoped it would smooth things over between us. Well, I decided to stay, never-the-less I walked to the pay phone and called 911.


Let me see... Should I have done that?




On the road into Bear River Lake she informs me, drunk on wine as she was, that her friend Pamela had 2 DUI's and if she got a third one she was going to go to prison. She then added quickly that she thought this was too harsh in her opinion. Hmmm... Let's see:


She's suicidal as far as I can tell because she told me herself.

She's drunk-4 bottles of wine...1 1/2 down... 2 1/2 to go.

She's distraught.

She's driving on a mountain road on which other people are driving and could be at risk!


I called 911, reported who she was, what she was driving, and her condition,


Good for me.

Good for me.


Erik and I talked another hour and I told him I called the cops. I told him again that I wanted to go home. He now tells me that he has cancer. I knew this because she told me that. She told me and then told me not to tell him. She told me a lot of these things. Things I'm not supposed to tell. I did not tell him, but now he is telling me, so there's that. Why is he telling me now though? I hope he's not trying to sucker me with his disease. I hope this is'nt a guilt trip.


My true feelings at this moment, empathetic or not? What a selfish bitch!


I told Jon-Erik about a woman named Ariela who reminds me of her. What a nut. Those two could be twins. Anyhoo...


I have been being as empathetic towards thier situation this long. I think I'm getting towards done with this.


Erik just said before he finally went to bed that this was now becoming quite the bigfoot adventure. Oh yeah.





Beyond My Wildest Dreams

Diary of a UFO abductee

By: Kim Carlsburg


This book came on this trip because EB insists I read it. I just finished "The Hunt For The Skinwalker". He says these are the best books about bigfoot and aliens that he knows about. I have never read an alien book until I picked up "Communion", by Whitley Strieber a few months ago. That one tripped me out, espescially the part about the woman in the flowered dress. I'll see what I see as I read. I brought harry Potter with me to read. It is a library book and Dorothy the librarian told me to be sure I get it back or it will cost me 35.00 to replace. It looks like I may not get a chance to read it here with all this EB wants me to read. Here goes.


First Freaky Part...


Kim states that she is allergic to all antibiotics, and that novocaine has no effect on her... Me too. What are the odds? This is common knowledge about me. Ask my dentists and doctors. Right now, today, my med charts state that I am deathly allergic to most antibiotics, (because I have'nt tried them all).


She mentions on page 49 that she went into denial for a few years refusing to write in her diary, but her "dreams" prevail and she must write.




I feel a lot this way... at times, because I believe in a place called hell. I feel that this other thing that has troubled me is so much worse. Way worse. I have even prayed at times that I would rather go to hell than to suffer this because to me, hell is beyond my wildest dreams and this is beyond that.


Sometimes, these days I feel that all I have ever known about life, religion, and the big questions are a lie. That it has all been some kind of a huge Joke On Me! I even wonder sometimes about all of these correlations, or co-inky-dinks, as I call them. I think they did not really happen to me, but may have been some kind of false memories, or someone else's memories... I just have them. I feel a lot these days... right this very moment that THIS is only real... this moment. And that all of my memories are fabrications. Am I crazy? Why does this occur to me? And maybe even worse... Why does it make sense?


I am beginning to feel like my friends and neighbors are under some kind of other control. My hypotheses recorded in all these journals I have been keeping. Where I read of people facing phenomenon where they get "telepathic" images ormessages... I get real live people acting in very strange ways.

I mean'

I have a thought. They answer according to the "signs" around me in very strange manners.


It's so bad sometimes ever since January of 2006 that if I were to write it all down, I would not be able to put my pen down at all.


Pg. 53. Beyond My Wildest Dreams.


I just wrote this down today and I even told EB about it. I am reading it now in this book.


She says,

"My anger grew more powerful than my fear, I would confront the silent thieves who had stolen my faith, my security, my stabillity, and my sleep."


I told EB that love conquers this, because love prevents destruction from anger. But I need to be angry to overcome this fear.


She continues,

"I decided to call them. Every night when I crawled into my "crypt" I would send them out a mental message: I know you're out there! Come visit me face to face! I can handle it if you can!"


This sounds crazy but I have been saying this to the bigfoots at my house for a while. The reason for this is because I am familliar with prayer. I have prayed my whole life and when I pray I have always felt the Spirit. Well, this bigfoot presence has felt like that. So I have been feeling like if I talk to htem in my heart and with my mouth... that they can hear me and understand me. I have heard a bunch of theories on this. None I completely feel are real, but it has to be something. Something. Anyway... I have been telling the bigfoots the same thing Kim was telling these beings contacting her. I have been telling them to bring it on because I am tired of these feeling of being teased.


There are times when it reminds of the movie MIB where Tommy Lee Jones says he's going to go get his gun back, and then he starts yelling at the "bug" to "Eat Me! Eat Me"! Funny, strange, crazy, freaky... I know, but art seems to imitate life a lot more than it used to these days.


I am reading this book as I comment all this stuff, so bear in mind while you read this. I told Jon-Erik about my nosebleeds last summer and that long thin hard thing that seemed to be trying to come out of my nostril. He told me without batting an eye that it was my "implant" coming out. What the hell? I have heard this theory and I even wrote about it last summer when it was happening. It was very strange.


This book is freaking me out. It seems to be getting to close for comfort, except I don't expect comfort anymore. I guess I am going to see this thing through to the end whether I like it or not.



Here is a side note: As I am writing these journal notes out that are really from my recent past I have insights and new information to share so I will do it in this way. I will add a page explaining in my own words what happened to me in Jan. 2006. At that time though I want to add here that I was thanking God for a spirit of obedience to his will. That is right when all of this started happening. which makes me ask myself... Are the aliens, bigfoots, etc... Are they our picture of what we think he looks like because it is really God? I would hate to think my faith has been a sham because it is all I have ever really had and so I think I must rethink this whole thing. Oh Yeah... I'm 45. Looks like I better get rethinking and maybe a little more accepting.



I walked into the trailer earlier when we first got here and got a pleasant shock that made me cry. I am already really stressed about how this whole thing is turning out. Hanging on a cabinet door in the kitchen is one of those dollar store signs Chia gave me and Rocky. It's the one that is hanging at her house. It says:


"My feet may go, but my heart stays home".


I'm crying right now.

I will probably rewrite this vision a few times because it made such an impact on me during my bigfoot sighting experience. I had a strange vision/dream thing where I was standing out in my yard and a huge bigfoot hand came out of the blackberries and grabbed my wrist, and took me away. I could feel it. I could feel that big hand on my wrist. I was not afraid. The really strange thing is that there is a guy here in town who, without knowing my truth, told me that his uncle also has had that dream. Explain that Benbridge scholars. Explain that Psych guys. Anybody... Give it a go. Explain this.


This is turning out to be a miserable trip. I hope I learn something. I'm more than a little scared.


Pg. 82. My Wildest Dreams. Actually 83.


The Eyes.


Yep, that's them alright.


I've seen them twice. Once in the corner of Aylett and my apt. when I was first pregnant with our first daughter, Alicia, when I first got "saved".

and once...


When I was under a lot of stress and I was travailing in prayer. Huge blue eyes that seemed like water. They seemed very alive.


September 17, monday, morning


It's hard to write or see. My face is burning from the pepper spray, or mace Jon-Erik just sprayed in it.


I just caught him rifling through my bag as I walked back into camp from leaving to go get the police, or out of here, or just plain away from him. I'm going to leave the mace on my face as physical evidence because he is recording our conversation. He just informed me that he has been recording us and he is lying about the things he has been doing to me so far, saying he has'nt done it so it will record that way, i.e. he hit me with a flashlight in the head last night at the campfire and w/o my knowledge at that point kept denying it as I was yelling at him to get away from me. (I was unaware that he was recording our conversation until I kept screaming at him for hitting me in the head. He laughed at me after he had been acting oddly, denying what he had just done, and I was going ballistic at this point because I was really getting creeped out by the way he was acting and he just added nonchalantly that he was recording for "bigfoot" sounds and he was getting my "abuse" on tape. MY ABUSE!!! He's hitting me, and I'm alone with him here, and I do not really know him, and what have I gotten myself involved with here?) I wondered why he was talking so strangely.


We have been arguing over whether or not it is ethical to make money off of a bigfoot picture. I do not believe it is. He does. He shoved me too! He is definitely a big huge FREAK!!!


I told him I was hungry, but he said that he would'nt feed me. I hope there's mushrooms around here because the gooseberries are all dried up. (He is telling me to go get food now at my words, because I sat down and started recording everyting that is happening to me right now. I am reading out loud so that he can see that I am scared and feeling threatened. I have'nt been writing since yesterday because this is turning more into survival than anything. Now I am writing for survival because he says he is going to leave me here. (He is telling me to get food at my words this moment because he is recording our conversation and he is unaware of what I just wrote about unknowingly recording me because he just walked up).


I am screaming at him, anything to keep him away! When I went to the rig to get some food he had a smug grin on his face and now I see why because he has locked the door with a padlock. I told him I was hungry and that I wanted to get into the rig for some food, but he refused. He keeps telling me he won't give me any food until I calm down, but I am afraid that he is going to hit me again. He has hit me twice so far.


He is now saying into the recorder that it is not his responsibility to feed me. He does'nt know I have saved the emails saying that he would feed me on the trip. It was one of the conditions to get me to come. He also told me that he had called all the guys who would'nt come on the trip a bunch of wimps and that I would be considered a flake if I did'nt show up because he had out it on his website. I wish those "guys" were here right now. He is also threatening to take the food offer back now because I won't stop reading out loud as I write. I AM SCARED!!!


I'm not talking to him now. I am reading out loud as I write. I am trying to scare him off now. I DON'T CARE IF HE LEAVES ME NOW AS LONG AS HE DOES. Besides he says he's going to bring the cops. He keeps saying this and I keep yelling... BRING THE COPS. YOU HIT ME!!!


I went to the side door as I explained to him that he could'nt withold food from me because it was in our agreement per my email, that he would provide me with food for coming. I started yelling... "I saved my email, I saved my email!"


My face is starting to burn very badly now, but I won't remove the mace because of his verbal threats and physical abuse.


September 17, (cont)


When I attempted to go through the side door to get some food, he came up behind me, grabbed me... and threw me down.



I am adding here that unlike the compliment EB has given me on his website, I am not 5'10", 200 lbs. I am 5'5", 225. He is 6'2" or 6'3", 300 plus. It was'nt very hard for him to swing me around and knock me down.



He is yelling right now that I was breaking and entering because he is still recording, as I stated a minute ago out agreement was that he would feed me, and at the point where I tried to get food and he pushed me down... that is exactly what I was trying to do... feed myself. As per our agreement by emails from him he is with holding food from me... in the wilderness, at 6500', great.


My face is starting to swell. Luckily he missed my eyes. He got across my forehead and down my right side... including my ear. My lips are starting to burn now. I saw the can as he held it up and knocked it up, thank god.


I want to reiterate here that I caught him going through my bag as I walked into camp from when he pushed me down. At that point "I" went to get the cops on foot. I came back after a half a mile and saw that he had followed me a little way by his footprints on the dirt road. I stood at the top of the hill from the campsite because I could see him going through my things. He went through my clothes, he shuffled through my journal, and he was looking through all my stuff. I watched him from up there and then I ran down the hill yelling, "What the hell are you doing? Get away from my bag!" I went to take my bag and he stood up and sprayed me!.


At this point I have had it. I am done. I was praying quitely that this would end. I was done and I was pissed now, so I threw his two bigfoot books and the necklace, and the teddy bear in the lake. He kept saying, "What are you going to do? What are you going to do"? So I did something. He was doing his best to destroy me so I destroyed something of his.





He is acting even more irrationally and he is caring an axe around the campsite. Everytime I start to walk away from my notes he goes for them. He has an axe now. He is threatening to leave me here and he is also threatening not to leave if I don't stop writing my journal out. I'm not going to stop now. OH no!


He just came back into camp from walking away and he is telling me has put food up the road at the broken R.V., or so he says, and if I go up there and eat he will bring me coffee in thirty minutes if I will "be good". What... is this guy the pshyco from Silence of the Lambs? "Put the lotion in the basket!"... AAARRRGGGHHH!!!


He has threatened to leave me here if I don't shut up, to which I replied now that if he does and something happens to me it could be a felony. He said over the recorder, "You hit me with the shovel." He just said that. Just now. The words just came out of his mouth and now he is telling me that he is going to go get the cops and say that the cut on his face where he cut himself with the tire jack is from me hitting him with the camp . These words just came out of him... out of nowhere...just now. I am finally threatening to get him into trouble if he does'nt leave me alone and he is starting this shit.


He did tell me he would steal, cheat, and lie to get what he needs and now I know just how much.


He argues constantly. His girlfriend left because of it. Drunk, yes, but never the less. I guess now that she is'nt here he feels he can take the same liberties with me. HE IS WRONG.


I am not drunk.



Note here... I do not drink and drive. Not only does Chris drink and drive, but yesterday at a supply stop in Buckhorn, he actually wlked up to me as I sat in the rig waiting for him to come out, and handed me a cup. He took the bottle of beer he had just bought and opened and poured in the cup. He tried to hand it to me in the rig at this point saying, "Here, drink this." I told him that I do not drink while in the car so he asked me if I minded if he did... What??? Just the day after Chris went home for the same thing and he is trying to get me to do the same thing. I told him YES I minded. So, he waited until he got behind the lake to start. Last night we were arguing about the ethics of bigfoot, and he walked up to me at the fire... and hit me in the head with the flashlight!!!






The mace is really stinging now, but I am afraid to wipe it off. He keeps grinning at me and saying that he is going to edit the tape recording of our conversation and get me into trouble. I just feel I need this proof, just in case, no matter how much it hurts. He lies so well.


Note to self and anyone else who is interested...






He is eating in front of me right now... oh, here he comes. He's leaving a half of a hamburger bun with butter on it on the log I am sitting on. He locked the door as soon as he got done. This is just plain mind fuck!!! That is all this is. He's fucking with me and he seems to be enjoying himself very much. He is rationing food to me.


I just told him that he needs to get me to a hospital because the mace on my face is burning so badly and he just said...no. I told him I am going to domestic violence and the police because of the things he's done to me, and he just blurted out..."you had a shovel, you have a shovel". I did not. I have only touched that shovel once since we got here and that was to go to the bathroom yesterday.


When I finally lost control and started screaming that if he did not leave me alone I was going to call my kids, who are cops... and they are...


He left.


As he got into his rig I yelled, "You can't just leave me here".


And he said, "That he was going to go get the cops because I hit him with the shovel, and that he was going to get me 5150'd.



The reason for my candid discussion over my 5150's can be read at the link. They may suprise you.






I did threaten himlast night with words after he hit me with the flashlight. I told him that if he did not stop hitting me he would be lucky if I did not come down and burn his house down. I did say that... I admit it. I was scared for my life because... HE HIT ME!


He just drove off to get the cops. I'll have them give me a ride either way I guess, but I can have them call my daughter. She is a CSI.


He abandoned me. He left me 15 miles from the nearest habitation with all of my things. I am going to try to walk out of here now with everything because it is still morning. I do not know for sure if he is really coming back with the cops and if I don't leave now I could get stranded here over night. I can make it to the lake by tonight, I think... Wish me luck.


Now, this is an adventure.


September 17, evening Greyhound station, Sacramento


I just weighed my pack... 43 lbs. It's not a backpack either. It's a huge duffel bag. It made it out though, so no complaints about the pack except for the way I had to carry it. I drug my pack 7 miles up the forest road 8N08 to the paved road cussing EB the whole way. I watched the sun, early in the sky so I thought I could make it walking to the lodge at the lake. Who knew though. It was the first time I had ever been in that neck of the woods.


I thought of ways to care for myself through the night if I needed to. I was a great girl scout after all. I noted certain rock croppings with overhangs I could sleep under if need be. with a lighter, warm clothes, natural springs here and there, and pinion nuts I figured I could spend overnight safely enough.



I want to add here that EB kept telling me we'd leave and then He would say no, and say that we were going to stay four days or however long it would take for me to stop yelling. He kept doing this, so I told him never mind. I would stay. I was feeling vindictive after the pepper spray so I thought that after he took his fat ass to bed in the cold tent with his cold blanket, at 6500', I would get the infamous "shovel"... and using the hot coals from the fire, I would make myself a nice snuggy cowboy bed. I have been reading his stupid lies now for days as I have been writing out my journal notes and I am infuriated at his lies. He did'nt know about this though. He's a greedy moron. That seems like that can be a dangerous combination. He is so desperate for fame that he even took credit for the cougar print I found when we first got to the spot. He should'nt have lied though even though he was ludicrous enough to tell me when I found it that he was "impressed" by me at the moment. He said that I must at least know a little about the mountains because I could properly identify a puma track... What a complete Absalom!!! Freak!!! He leaves on a BIGFOOT EXPEDITION... of which I am now completely convinced is nothing but a bunch of horse shit. Sorry it took me two idiots to figure it out, but there will not be a third. He wants revenge on Tom Biscardi. He has some ammo now though because he has stolen my notes on the other said idiot. My sister-in-law says she has been on his website and that he is saying things about Happy Camp and bigfoot now that only "Locals" knew about until he stole my notes. Good one EB... plagerism too huh? I am going to stay away from his website while I write the rest of this story out, but when I am done I am going to go back answer every one of his slanderous lies with the truth. My truth... and it is a big truth. I have looked at his site two times since I have gotten back and I regret that I have. It has made me so angry that it has impeded this and I do not want that to happen. AND MY LEG HURTS!!! I hiked 15 miles with 43 lbs. with a knee needing surgery already at that point. Now it's really screwed up. I have copied everything from his site and sent them to my email too, because I may just sue him yet. He'll laugh and say whatever, but it seems that Tom and him get all kind of that. I myself have never been sued in my life. I am not the sueable kind of person. My mother and father are rolling over in thier graves right now.


Oh yeah, and to those of you who are writing blindly by the seat of your pants over one side of the story...who the fuck are you? I'll answer your comments after this story also. Don't worry... you won't be able to hear me scream over the web. I'm poor and cannot afford that technology yet. I'll yell at you later. For now you can just read what I think of your ignorant comments. Do you send money to sociopathic fundraisers, or do you support pediphile car washes? Probably if your dumb enough to write the crap you are writing about me without even seeing my face. By the way, you can go to greatamericanbigfoot.com and click on the news story sample to see how much like Fred Thompson I look like, oh and... how "little" Native American I am. I'll have a page you can look at here about my heritage also. Thanks for the racial slur EB, (aka, Viking Man). I do not like war. I dislike it very much, but I'll do it if I have to... obviously.



There were dried up boletes and other mushrooms around. None familiar enough to eat though. The gooseberries were all dried up this time of the year there. Darn.


My biggest concern there were lions and brown bears though... the print I found was huge. I thought close to a 200 lb'er by the size of it. I kept moving. I had to follow the truck's tracks because there were a few small spurs off the forest road that would have thrown me off otherwise. I made it to the paved road. YES! My back hurt so bad from dragging my pack, but I could'nt set it down until I knew where I was closer to the lodge. I knew to turn right at the paved road. I did.


I walked on. I found a newly squashed chimpmunk on the road as I walked onto it. I knew EB hit it. There had'nt been anyone else on that road. Now on asphalt I had to carry my pack. The dirt was soft enough to drag it without tearing it, but once on the hard surface it would tear out quickly so I had to rig it to fit on my back. Not an easy task. I had to put my arms through the handles, drape the front over my head and balance it like that walking up @ 1000 ft. Nice.


No sign of that asshole...What a jerk!


It was probably 2 miles up this asphalt when a large white truck and horse trailer driven by a man and his family came up and started to pass me. I said loudly, "I'm stranded!" They stopped for me. Father, mother, two kids all out for a day. I told them my story.

When I mentioned bigfoot the man asked,"Did you see them?"

I replied, "Not this trip."

I told them about getting away from EB, and of how he had stranded me, and when I mentioned that I had met the man on the internet the wife shook her head. I felt so ashamed and humilliated at my stupidity.


The man looked out the window down towards my shoes to see if I had on good ones. I did not...but they looked o.k. to him. I had on white sneakers. I changed into the boots in my pack a few miles later. He asked me if I knew the way out. I told him I knew to walk to the top of the ridge and go down to the lake. (Lucky for me I have a photographic memory and I pay attention). He told me to walk to the top of the ridge and to go "straight" at the top. He said stay on the road, and make sure I knew to go straight at the top and not turn right. I am glad I talked to him, otherwise I might have turned right and it would have been a MUCH longer walk. They said they would be back out later that day and they would give me a ride to the lodge. Nice folks.



Another note here. In my opinion, EB does'nt make friends. He was fighting with the guy across the road from us when we got to the lodge at @ midnight because his smoke alarm beeper was going off. He told the guy at the lodge the next morning after breakfast that he had walked down to the phone, called the guy, pretended to be interested in buying the trailer, and then told him off. Nice again.



I thanked the nice people and walked on. LONG WALK! Around five more miles later I made it to the top. Another two miles later I stopped to change my boots. I could not walk and carry the 43 lb. pack anymore so I had to make a hard decision. I dropped my bag off behind a tree I could find easily, crossed my fingers and marched, uh...gingerly limped actually, on. My back, hips, knees, shins, and especially right foot hurt SO bad that I thought I'de have to stop and look for that spot to bed down after all. I was starting to get nervous, when suddenly I heard someone coming.


I panicked a little right then because I had been told by the people in the horse trailer to make sure I got off the road if I saw a huge blue truck with a big yellow light on it coming towards me. I agreed. It actually was a blue truck with a yellow light on it, but it was a PG&E truck. Not that freak.


The guy was going to go on by, but I called him. He stopped and I said," As if a woman is just going to be walking out here in the middle of the mountains...I'm stranded." With a smile. I could actually cry at the time. I told him what happened and he got me a ride to the lodge. He got into the back of his rig and got me some water. I had just drank out of a spring seeping out of a rock on the side of the road. I blessed it and asked it not to be toxic when I drank it. Why not? I had no choice. I had to drink something. Anyway, the nice PG&E guy, what's his name??? He was my first angel of the day, and I told him so. I thanked him and told him he very well could have saved my life. I did not know at that point that EB WAS NOT coming back, Police or otherwise. I told the guy that because I had nothing to hide. He took me to the lodge and I had him drop me off at the payphones so I could call my daughter and my sister.


I am writing this as I sit in the bus station waiting to get home. I don't want to forget one thing. My bus does'nt leave until 12:30 A.M. It is 8:30. The taxi just drove me here from the hospital in Jackson. God Bless Amador County. I'm exhausted. I can hardly walk. A very nice young man named Micheal saw me when I got here. He bought me a hamburger, soda, and a pack of cigarettes. He is homeless. He showed me five bullet scars in his body and a stab scar. He just got out of a mental hospital.






Sorry Binks... If I get the chance, I help them. He has special needs and it is just terrible the way he is left to fend for himself. What has happened to the world?


ON with the story...


The PG&E guy took me to the lodge I stayed at with the dumbass. Because my legs and foot hurt so bad that I could not walk any farther he dropped me off at the payphones.


There I stood.


Out of the deep woods. By the grace of God and my stubborn will.


Out of the fire into the frying pan.


I called Tami's. My sister. She was'nt able to come and get me so I asked her to call my daughter's cell and get back to me. I was in shock at this point and I was'nt too sure exactly about what to do from here. I have a natural mistrust for authority figures as you can see by reading my stories...and why. After all EB said he was going to lie to the cops and get me put in jail. I suspected it could be true.


My health concerns and the fact I could not walk won out so I called 911. At that point I was having sharpshooting pains in my legs, feet, and hips.


The EMT's from Pioneer showed up, yup...they were in Happy Camp for the fires. While they were checking me out I found out they even knew right where my house was. They said they did'nt get any of the blackberies me and my daughter Austin picked for the crews that parked by the cemetery, but they knew the guys who did.








They called the ambulance.



Check the dates on EB's site and tell me he's not lying and making any of this shit he's writing up out of his delusional head. I did read the part where he says I got helivaced out of there. Waisting what? He's a delusional liar. He got caught beating up on me and he's doing everything he can to get out of it. He is TELLING LIES. Who would he have heard from that I was lifted out of there? Who would he have talked to?



God always has my back. He's watching out for me and maybe I'll share that with all of you someday, but for now it's for me. Anyway, Jon-Erik Beckjord is Satan and I faced him...and I survived. Bigfooot saved my life. LOL. Watch he'll probably misquote this and make it look like I think Bigfoot is Satan or something. I won't be suprised if he does. It will even be more outlandish than that because EB is such a freaking NUT!



This is an excerpt from my personal, personal thoughts. It has something to do with something that has happened to me. Something Special and different. I will share the whole story eventually on my websites:




Healing...This is, this whole life situation is how my town, God...saved my life. The EMT on board the ambulance said the fires in Happy Camp were because of me. This struck a chord and made me start thinking about the fire and all that happened during that time. All the...you have chosen not to evacuate thing was about saving my life. I did not know I was going to be on the top of a mountain with a lunatic, but God did. He knows everthing. When I went to the fire meetings during the voluntary evacuation and I heard those few people saying the certain things they did and the way they nodded thier heds at the same time at me...Those were signs to me. They were preparing me for yesterday morning when I decided to get up and get moving. I knew I had to get up and get out of there or I would have died up there. Hey, wait a minute. If EB called the cops, did he tell them I was stranded? I do not think so because those same cops never came looking for me. I met them at the hospital. I'll have to ask. Anyway, continuing my thought...The thought that all those little messages I have been getting are like a compass to me, helping me...healing me. My instincts were up, so I was more keen to survival because of the forest fire I had just been through.







September 18, 2007 (home at last) tuesday


I am writing this from home now. In retrospect, so I want to note something before I forget. The EMT's I met said there was supposed to be a storm come through by Thursday. When I got to Weed it was cloudy and cold, and getting colder. By the time I got to Yreka it was very cloudy. The clouds dark and full, and heavy with storm. By the time me and mt friends who gave me a ride got to Cade Mt. it was drizzling. That was weds. Today, thursday, it was misty and foggy along the river and cold. There were however, only a few high clouds, gentle, warm, with light cool air. A beautiful day...no storm.



"Disassociation has turned out to be not so much of a curse as it has been some sort of strange 'gift'."

Tara Hauki



September 20, 2007 thursday afternoon


I was taken to the hospital in Jackson. I had to ask because I did not know where I was. The EMT's took me in and with my help they told the nurses what happened to me ... and then the sherrifs came in, five of them.


I have to tell you this.


The first question they asked me was, "How did this altercation between you and this man start?"

I said, "We were arguing about bigfoot."


That got us laughing, and I could'nt stop, and then they could'nt stop. It was pretty funny right then.


I told them I threatened EB repeatedley. I told them that he hit me with the flashlight, shoved me, knocked me down, and about the incident where he sprayed me with the mace, or pepper spray, or whatever it was.


One cop spoke up at that moment and asked, " What was it you did so that he sprayed you with the pepper spray?"

I started crying because it made me mad and I turned towards him saying, "He was going through my stuff ... ". I started to repeat that part of the story. I said, "Wait, oh hell no! You're not going to do this to me. The reason I don't like to talk to you is because when this happens to me I AM the one who gets into trouble. I get victimized because I don't know the right things to say. I get too emotional."


The other guy standing next to him said, "It's o.k., don't be upset. We're on your side."



I was in a pretty bad state here. I have a copy of my release papers. At that point I was suffering from low blood pressure, and low body core temprature. I was completely exhausted and the doctor had to give me a shot of Torodol so I could walk on my leg to get home. I was'nt done by a long shot. I had @400 miles still to go and I was in pretty bad shape. I got an email from EB yesterday. This is an add in to my journal notes. For the most part thay are in this magenta color, but he sent me an email saying Thanks, that I had made him famous again ... as a victim. He has a "journal" type thing now on the situation. He is calling it Jon-erik Beckjord vs. Tara Hauki, and he sent along the link on my email. This is a difficult thing for me to write out to the public because it is an embarrasment for me. I can't believe I fell for the internet predator thing, but I did. My hope from sharing this story with everyone is that I warn them not to go on any bigfoot expeditions, or camp outs, or what ever the hell that was ... with him. He is a dangerous man in more ways than one, and I will explain that at the end of these notes. See, These are the actual pages and notes of everything that went on during this expedition. This is the truth, day by day, as it went on. I skimmed over his site and I decided not even to look at it until I am done writing out the actual events. They are as close to the days this happened as possible. I have already caught him changing even his own story already. This should be fun. I kept good notes.



Through all of that they, (Everyone at the hospital) were wonderful to me. They patched me up and sent me on.





They asked me what the guy's name was. I told them that his name was Jon-Erik Beckjord. I gave them his address, phone number, physical description ... all that. They said a guy called, and I interrupted, "He told you I hit him in the face with a shovel did'nt he?"


They replied, "Did you have the shovel?"


I said, "Only to go to the bathroom yesterday." They laughed.


They asked, "Are you sure?"


"Yeah." I repeated, "I never laid a hand on him, not once, I swear I never touched him." I meant it. I was telling the truth. I wanted to hit him at this point, I just did'nt. I told them that my daughter and son-in-law were in law enforcement. I told them where.


They wished me well and left.


The social wprker came in, let me call my sister, and set up a ride in a taxi for me to get to Sacramento to the bus station.


Once there I waited what felt like seven hours for my bus ride to Weed. I made friends with a veteran from Vietnam and Saigon. His name is The Butch, and we became fast friends. I helped him get food and a locker to keep his things in until his bus left later the next morning. Him and a young man named Micheal fed me and bought me some cigarettes.


I rode the bus to Weed and got there at 4:30 am. 24 hours since I woke up freezing at the campsite.


The doctor had given me a shot of Torodol and told me to go to bed and drink lots of fluids for 4 days, and here I was, standing in the cold outside the bus station in Weed. I had a 43 lb. bag with me and I knew I could walk no longer. I sat there and cried til the sun started up.


I knew I could have called 911 but instead I walked to the cop shop. It took an hour and a half for me to wlk six blocks mostly down hill, half carrying, half dragging my pack. I was "completely" exhausted by that point. I'm feeling the ache in my legs as I write this.


The woman at the desk was a gruff angel as she called my daughter and gave me four dollars to ride the stage to Yreka so I could be closer to home. I slept to Yreka and woke up just in time to see the Social Services building. I felt I could find a ride home easier from there, so I got off the bus. I did'nt have any luck inside, so I went and stood out on the corner to wait for the bus to take me to the hospital. I knew I needed at least more fluids. I was standing there openly crying when I heard a voice behind me call out, "Tara."


I turned in time to see my friend from Happy Camp standing there. I just ran to her. I was crying uncontrollably. She just kept pointing at me saying, "Lacy, (I am changing the names of my friends here for thier privacy). said something was wrong with you. She said she had a feeling you were in trouble." (I have good friends). I had never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life than my frind standing there with the car door open waiting for me to get in for my road home. They took me to breakfast and they ley me sleep in the car while they shopped. It felt so unbelievably wonderful to see my friends, and to watch the river go by all the way home.


I love them.









September 20, 2007 Thursday evening


I spent a few hours at Rocky's tonight. So I'm going to be investigating my own story I guess. Here we go.


Krystal came to get me because she wanted to show me the new posts on EB's website. They had been watching it ever since I started to go on this adventure. I had not seen it yet. I did'nt even look at it when he was emailing me and telling me to come. Her mom wanted to tell me about EB's phone calls. Lacy was there and heard it all on speaker.


I am a little in shock. Jon-Erik said he was going to lie if he had to to get me put into jail ... I just could'nt believe how twisted his story would be. Go to Google and type in Jon-Erik Beckjord and bigfoot and my name to see it. (I just went to the website I thought it would be on, or at least it had been since I got home and now it seems to have moved. I don't know what this means, but if you google those words you'll find it.) I don't give a rats ass about Google points at this time. I just want everyone to see what he says happened. I have to go and put my journal on my new website. I have to figure out how best to do that. I'll ask at the computer center.


I love Rocky, Krystal, Lacy, My ride friends, and my entire family very much!!! I say it a lot, but not nearly as much as I am forever from now on.






I know what I told the police is the truth. I did'nt keep back that I threatened him either. After he hit me in the head with the flashlight he scared me. After he shoved me, and then withheld food from me, and pushed me down he pissed me off. That is when I left to go to the police myself. It was then, when he sprayed me with the pepper spray that I got scared enough to just sit down. I told him I was not going to speak to him again. He then went into the conditional ride and food thing. He was threatening to have me arressted so I started reading my journal out loud to scare him off. I was having a hard time believing what was happening to me.


I'm sick of people who seem to relish tearing down what they call the "credibillity" to others. I hate to be treated like a lush driven slut, and that is how he is making me feel.


I know how to get along in the woods if I absolutely have to, but even experienced woodsmen perish in the woods under bad circumstances. I was prepared. I had a small knife. I'm glad EB did'nt know about that or he would have accused me of stabbing him instead of hitting him with a shovel. He was carrying an axe around with him right before he left. It was extremely frightening ... and creepy. He cut his face changing his tire. I want to say WHAT A MORON!!! But instead I have to say that this man is not safe. He had three flat tires on his rig. His girlfriend Chris was there for the whole flat tire ordeal.





The following is my personal journal for my experience. My side of the story. I have journaled consistently since 2003. I'll share those stories too at a later time.

EB has emailed me twice so far. I will include those and any supporting documents I have at the end of this Blogroll, or I may put links at the top of this page. I'm just learning Blogging. It is fun and functional, hey how 'bout that.

Tara Hauki





On to my story ...


Tara Hauki and Jon-Erik Beckjord: On going drama and supporting documents

Comments (1)

tara said

at 2:59 pm on Jan 22, 2009

Hi, Who ever is reading my wiki is free to write me and let me know you have visited me. You can write to amazonprincess62@yahoo.com. Thank you for reading my story. I will be adding the good parts soon.

Please stay in touch, and to who ever fixed my formatting. Wado.


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