5150 - The 'Real' Story of My Experience

Geez this is embarrassing, but if my 'T' will help others than I am more than too willing to share the whole thing. There are supporting documents ... lots of them. I hope this helps someone who needs it. No matter what you lose ... suicide should never be an option. I found out the hard way. Once again ...

IF YOU CAN'T BE A GOOD EXAMPLE ...

BE A BAD WARNING.

TEN YEARS AGO I WAS IN AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE. I HAVE SINCE THEN MADE AMMENDS WITH MY NOW EX-HUSBAND, BUT THOSE YEARS WERE VERY HARD FOR ME AND I AM AFRAID I OPTED FOR THE 'OUT' AS A SOLUTION. I LOST CUSTODY OF MY DAUGHTERS TO MY HUSBAND, AND COULD NOT GET HELP FROM AUTHORITIES. I MADE NUMEROUS REPORTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ALTHOUGH I HAD PICTURES TAKEN OF BRUISES AND ABRASIONS ME AND MY DAUGHTERS SUFFERED BY HIS HANDS, IT NEVER WENT BACK ON HIM. IT ALWAYS FELL ON ME.

I FINALLY HAD A NERVOUS BREAK DOWN, OR WHAT THEY CALL A PHSYCHOTIC BREAK THESE DAYS, AND I SOON BECAME UNABLE TO CARE FOR MY CHILDREN. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY THE HARDEST TIME OF MY LIFE. DURING THAT TIME I NEVER DRANK ALCOHOL OR TOOK ILICIT DRUGS OF ANY KIND. THIS STARTED AFTER I LOST MY CHILDREN. I WAS COMPLETELY DISPARED IN THOSE DAYS AND I BECAME SUICIDAL AS A RESULT.

DID YOU KNOW THAT IT IS ILLEGAL TO TRY TO KILL YOURSELF IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA? IT IS. WHEN I ASKED A PHSYCHIATRIST I WAS SEEING DURING THAT TIME ABOUT IT, HE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS ILLEGAL TO KILL MYSELF FOR TWO REASONS. FIRST BECAUSE I WAS A POTENTIAL TAX PAYER, AND IF I DIED THEN THE STATE WOULD LOSE REVENUE FROM MY UNTIMELY DEATH, AND SECOND BECAUSE THERE ARE FINES TO COUNTY MENTAL HEALTH FACILITIES WHEN A RESIDENT OF SAID COUNTY COMMITS SUICIDE IN SAID COUNTY. IT SOUNDS SO HILARIOUSLY RIDICULOUS TO ME NOW WHEN I WRITE THIS, BUT IT WAS TRUE THEN AND IT IS PROBABLY TRUE NOW.

I WAS 5150'D OVER TWENTY TIMES IN TWO SUMMERS BECAUSE I DISAGREED WITH THEM.

I KEPT TRYING AND THEY KEPT PUTTING ME IN MY ROOM. OVER AND OVER AGAIN, UNTIL I GOT TIRED OF TRYING. (I WANT TO ADD HERE THAT I THANK PROFUSELY THOSE WHO WORKED AND SUPPORTED ME DURING THOSE VERY DARK DAYS. THERE ARE CORRUPTABLE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, BUT THE FEW WHO WERE'NT THERE IN PLACER COUNTY SAVED ME. PERIOD. THANKS FOR GETTING ME THROUGH THE ROUGHEST TIMES. I NOW KNOW I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU. THANK YOU.

IF YOU ARE READING THIS; HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THROUGH A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHERE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE JUST SEEMS TO GET UP AND WALK OUT ON YOU? I HAVE. I HAVE AND I HAVE DEFEATED THE ANGEL WHO COMES WITH THE MESSAGE MORE THAN ONCE. I DID NOT THINK I WANTED TO SURVIVE THOSE DAYS WITHOUT MY DAUGHTERS, BUT NOW NOT ONLY DO I WANT TO SURVIVE ...  I WANT TO CHAMPION, AND I FULLY INTEND TO.

JON-ERIK BECKJORD HAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF A LOT OF THINGS I TOLD HIM WHILE WE WAITED THREE DAYS TO GO ON THIS RIDICULOUS CAMPING TRIP. HE HIT ME THREE TIMES AND THEN HE WENT HOME AND PAINTED A PICTURE OF ME USING PIECES OF TRUTHS I SHARED CANDIDLY WITH HIM. HE IS SHAMEFUL. I WILL ADD HERE ALSO THAT I HAVE HAD EXPERIENCE WITH METHAMPHETAMINES. IT WAS A PERIOD OF LIFE JUST AFTER I LEFT MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN AND MOVED UP NORTH. I THOUGHT FOR TWO YEARS THAT THE DRUGS MAY HAVE BEEN AN ANSWER TO MY PROBLEMS ... I WAS GROSSLY MISTAKEN OF COURSE, AND I HAVE LEARNED THAT. I NO LONGER HABITUALLY TAKE THESE TYPES OF DRUGS. I HAVE NEVER OWNED A CRACK PIPE. I HAVE A QUESTION HERE. HE SAID THAT HE SAW THE PIPE IN MY PURSE AT THE CAMPGROUND, BUT THEN HE SAID HE FOUND MY PURSE IN HIS RIG AND THREW IT OUT? WHICH WAS IT EB? WHERE WAS MY PURSE? DO YOU EVEN REALLY REMEMBER?

I AM NOT EMBARRASSED AS I SAID, TO SHARE THESE THINGS. NOW THAT I HAVE GOTTEN YEARS OF DISTANCE BETWEEN THE ABUSE AND THE DRUGS I FULLY INTEND TO MAKE THEM POSITIVE EXPERIENCES WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT. THERE IS A CREED I FOLLOW TO THIS END AND IT IS THAT WHENEVER THE DEVIL, OR SATAN, OR DEATH, OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT TRIES TO KNOCK ME DOWN ... OR DOES, I WILL DEFEAT IT. I WILL DEFEAT IT WITH THE SIMPLE ACT OF DOING 'ONE MORE GOOD THING'. THE ONE MORE GOOD THING FROM THESE TERRIBLE EXPERIENCES WILL BE TO SHARE THEM WITH OTHERS AS A WARNING. I MADE THE MISTAKES SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO. THE OTHER REASON IS SO YOU CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE IF YOU YOURSELF ARE GOING THROUGH THESE KINDS OF HARD TIMES. YOU'LL MAKE IT THROUGH ... I DID, AND IT DID NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE LIKES OF PEOPLE LIKE JON-ERIK BECKJORD. THEY ARE THE INSTIGATORS. WE'LL PREVAIL.

LOSING MY MIND ...THE FIRST TIME  

 IT WAS A LONGER TRIP THAN I WOULD HAVE GUESSED